We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's always time for handjobs
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize