i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
