seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
