do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
