I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
