Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
