capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
