New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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