i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
