If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
