By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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