Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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