C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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