I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
