Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Non-Jews are for practice
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
