That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
