Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dear god my vagina.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
