Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
