Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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