Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
