She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
