I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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