I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
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I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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