I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
