She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
