i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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