Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
