I hate your face
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
