She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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