have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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