Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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