Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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