i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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