is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
