my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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