i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The best revenge is premature balding
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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