I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
