we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
