Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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