Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
