I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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