we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
