Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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