OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
