my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we made out on top of his cat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
