I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Holy shit dude........stairs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
