we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
