Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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