how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
