And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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