Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
