The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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