Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
