I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
