Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
