I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
