she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
