You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize