Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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