Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
