I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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