Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
