i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All the doctor said was why
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
