I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Everything about him screamed your future.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
