Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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